“Watch What I Shall Do”. This is Vicky Shahjehan’s challenge to a world that demands she lives within the confines of socially defined norms. As a Non-Binary woman and artist, Vicky wants to reject the constraints of the gender binary in her drive to inspire her community and the wider world to challenge what Gender is.
From birth, Vicky was no stranger to straddling multiple identities and worlds. She was born to a Sri Lankan mother and an Indian father in Abu Dhabi. Growing up, Vicky was not too fond of traditional academics but found her true talents in art, often winning 1st place in school art competitions. Vicky jokes that despite her father supportively fostering her interest in art from a young age, he nonetheless hoped that she would be a firefighter – a thought she found bizarre at the time, but perhaps reflects his estimation of her as a fierce woman.
She recalls her early family life being fraught with turmoil as her parents often imposed upon her the societal gender norms to which they expected her to conform. Whether it was refusing to dress in clothes that were considered to be socially befitting or behave in certain ways, Vicky had no interest in succumbing to traditional interpretations of what it means to exclusively be part of one gender. To be non-binary is when many individuals believe that their understanding of gender extends beyond what has been prescribed by society as one gender or the other.
While her friends similarly describe her as a “Powerful Woman,” she prefers to think of herself as witty, good-humored, and possessing a childlike sense of joy. Fondly and with wry amusement, Vicky recalls the many occasions her gender non-conformity was the subject of much speculation and confusion to passers-by. For example, in her mid-teens, when a couple harmlessly inquired as to her gender, or much later in her mid-twenties, when she attended a wedding as a guest of the groom (a former classmate) when the other guests debated who she was.
To Vicky, her home of Slave Island, Colombo, is a foundational part of her identity. From Slave Island’s inception as a holding bay for West-African slaves during the colonial period to the ongoing threat of gentrification, it has been home to some of the most visible demonstrations of class inequality in Colombo. The multi-ethnic working heart of the city is home to several communities such as Malays, Moors, Burghers, and Afro-Sri Lankans. The community is closely knit, and like most closely knit communities there is also the pressure to conform in order to be part of a specific community. This is a burden on those like Vicky who do not wish to conform, especially as queer women, but also offers the chance to empower them greatly.
Despite the looming pressure of conformity, Vicky would also rise further through the support of some members of her community. The very same sense of a deeply interknit community also was a shield for her. Recalling the solidarity she received from strangers in Slave Island, she recounts an occasion when she was verbally harassed by a male store owner who had told her that she was not human. To her surprise, a stranger raised her voice with ferocity to defend Vicky. “She took her slipper”, Vicky recalled, “and slapped him in front of everyone not to judge me…I really love the fact that a woman stood up for me at that moment”. Since then, Vicky has found her own ferocity and inspired it in her friends as well, allowing herself to demonstrate her inner joy, love, and vibrancy.
Unfortunately, society's unfamiliarity with trans and queer identities meant that every amused but confused reaction was outnumbered by more judgmental or hostile ones. When Vicky came out openly as transgender in her late teens, she was the subject of hurtful stories and questions. However, the women in her life became her pillars of strength: “I think that is the reason why I'm still surviving … because there were people in my life who supported me”. Vicky is especially grateful to her grandmother who took care of her and never gave up on her – “she had no judgments on me, she never said a thing about my look … she was on [my] side”.
As a non-binary woman, her artistic career has nonetheless been troubled. Her time spent at the design academy she was enrolled in at the time (which she was also struggling to afford financially) offered her little solace. As one of the few transgender students amongst her peers, Vicky felt silently judged, where her peers weren’t openly hostile but still didn’t interact with her as warmly as they did with other students. Vicky decided it was time to leave and start her on her own. “When you have a certain talent, you… always look for somebody else to empower you… I was looking for people like that [and] I did not have anybody; at the end, I thought it would be best to remove myself from that situation and begin creating. [T]hat was how my journey began”.
Vicky remarked, “when I came out [as a queer woman], I was only appreciated as a good henna artist”. Brides across the community would seek her out for her talents. While many of them did not understand Vicky’s experiences, most were willing to ask, listen and learn. There existed those who came from more conservative households, for whom giving her their hand was the first challenge in breaking the stigma of the community. Through her art and her identity, Vicky fostered a sense of community amongst the women that helped her clients confront the biases and prejudices they internalized. Here it was that Vicky listened to the stories of brides-to-be – of their joy for the future and their lamentations. While other spaces were controlled and shaped by patriarchal forces, in Vicky’s hands, the women of Slave Island found solidarity and a place to share their stories and identities.
Vicky believes that a pivotal role played by queer people in their communities in helping raise awareness of gender fluidity by simply being open and seen. Vicky remarks that the “bravest part was applying lipstick and walking out. When you wear lipstick, they ask you why. I say it is because it makes me feel good. I am an artist and I choose to live artistically”. She recalls there was a time when a close friend cautioned her against wearing lipstick for fear of judgment. Now that same friend exclaims, “You’re going to wear lipstick, we don’t care. [w]e don’t live for others – we live for us”.
Vicky is now involved in numerous projects in her community in Slave Island. Amidst the ongoing economic crisis that has hit minority communities such as her own with greater damage, she continues to make art in the spirit of revolution. She paints murals, street art, and henna to document the impact of the crises on the women, widows, and the elderly of Slave Island. In addition, she works in collaboration with other artists such as the House of Kal collective, WE ARE FROM HERE project, the Sisterhood of Initia, and the Fearless Collective to explore the intersection of queer identity and feminism. She looks to expand the projects she is involved in and eventually hopes to start an art school for queer youth to provide a safe space for younger queer artists to express their creativity and perspective.
Reference Links and Further Reading
Being Human | Episode 08 | Vicky Shahjehan , Daily Mirror, Date 29th June 2021 , https://www.dailymirror.lk/being_human/Being-Human-Episode-08-Vicky-Shahjehan/386-215044
On Androgyny: Vicky Shahjahan by Raisa Wickrematunge, Groundviews, 8th March 2017,
Houses of Kal, Goethe Institute, https://www.goethe.de/ins/lk/en/kul/art/kp/hok.html
Notes
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